I spent a lot of my life being a people pleaser. That’s not a good thing. It’s a sign of a codependent person. It implies that there is a strong neediness, in this case a need for love and acceptance. It sets a person up for a codependent relationship where one is the giver and the other a taker, fertile ground for growing resentments. At it’s extreme, being a people pleaser is ugly. No one likes a spineless, wishy-washy person. I like to think I was not that bad. I think of myself as a pretty capable person, so my flavor of people pleasing was trying to impress others. I needed the approval of others, and I avoided conflict, even if I had to give up something that I really should have stood for. That’s when people pleasing is harmful to ones own self, when you give up your own wants/needs/values just to please the other person so they will love you.
I am well beyond all that now. I am comfortable in my own skin. I can take good care of myself, in every way. I have a good sense of my own set of rights and wrongs, and I am true to them today. I don’t need everyone to like me. I can say no. I can identify what I want and what I need. It doesn’t mean I’m selfish. Quite to the contrary, I have always been and still am a giving person. But I no longer let others take advantage of me.
And this leads me to the whole point of this post. It is a New Year’s Resolution post. I have realized that I no longer need to impress others. I am what I am, take it or leave it. Take me or leave me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care how I am, how I act. What I have also realized is that the only person I want to impress is my own self! I want to be the best that I can be in every way. I want to catch myself doing things well. Really well.
This should be a fun resolution!
Sounds like you have caught up with me.
.-= mike golch´s last blog ..Flashback Friday POSTING # 1395 =-.
I think you are on to something here. Looking in the mirror and liking what you see is what it's all about. Good for you. Excellent resolution.
Have a terrific day. Big hug to you both. 🙂
What a great resolution! I normally don't make resolutions , but I may have to adopt that one!
Mike~
LOL! Yes! You are ahead of the pack and I'm trying to catch up!
Sandee~
Thanks! At first it sounded a little selfish, but it's really not. It helps with all my relationships with people!
Jessica~
Thank you! It should be easy for you because you are already so cool! 🙂
That is a great resolution! I find too the older I get the easier it is to move in that direction. Perhaps that's part of the wisdom that one gets from getting older? You've given me some food for thought here, thanks.
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..Too Much TV May Have Deadly Toll =-.
I can relate to being a people-pleaser. It almost crippled me when I was young. Since I didn't want anybody to see me doing anything badly, I never really tried to do anything. I'd start something, see myself doing it horribly, and then quit whatever it was (drama club, sports, etc.) It was only after I stopped caring what people might think that I got into cycling and re-ignited my interest in travel.
Great resolution! 🙂
Elaine~
Thanks! I'm glad we get something for getting older besides aches and pains! 🙂
Kayla~
Don't you wish sometimes we could have a do-over? Not for everything, but for some things? Well, I'm glad that's not holding you back any longer. You are such a cool person, with such a unique perspective, it would be a shame if you didn't let your light shine!