4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
This song, “Mirror Mirror” by new artist Diane Birch strongly reminds me of something. When I was 42 years old I received a gift. A really great one. The Universe must have decided I was ready to receive the gift of Introspection. It had prepared me properly for it by giving me free rein to use my thoughts, words and actions to thoroughly mess up my life, over and over again! So at age 42 I did my first 4th step.
I remember taking it very seriously. I was actually looking forward to it, as opposed to the many people I know who dread it. I sat down with pen, journal, and the time to do it justice. It became one of those experiences that are forever etched in memory. I started writing down my first character flaw, then the second. I started writing faster because I had a long list of “issues” in my head and didn’t want to forget them as I was writing them down. When I got to about twenty, and actually saw the mess that was me, the tears started to flow. I got to thirty… then forty… I stopped somewhere around 50. By then, the tears were mixed with smiles and outright laughter. You see, the tears were only a little about the pain. They were mainly tears of joy! In those moments, I saw the problem, and the solution! I saw that I alone was responsible for the mess I was in, and not everyone else. I truly realized what an imperfect person I really am, jumped off my pedestal for good, and joined the human race.
I have a mountain of flaws and defects. I am a “project.” I’m okay with that. I don’t mind working long and hard at difficult projects, especially when they are me! What I’m grateful for is the awareness of exactly what the problems are. When I know the problems, the solutions are close behind. The gift of 4th step introspection gave that to me. The key. And I value it because I know that not everyone gets to have this gift. For whatever reason, many people are unable to really look inside.
So, thank you Diane, for this nice reminder. And thank you for your lovely youthful spirit that shines brightly in “Bible Belt.”