Ferd Crôtte

Princess Gail and I are vacationing in Nashville, just listening to music, golfing, and doing touristy stuff.

Tonight we went to the Grand Ole Opry. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a live radio show featuring some of the best country musical artists in the world. The lineup tonight included:

John Conlee
Chuck Wicks
Realtime
Pam Tillis
Del McCoury Band
Little Jimmy Dickens
Terri Clark

Everyone lived up to their world class status. It was an outstanding show!

It was very cool that we got to see Terri Clark, as she is from Canada, and it was Canada Day. I had been TOTALLY shut out from finding a Molson, so I feel like I celebrated a little by listening to Terri Clark.

But the highlight of the evening was running into Chuck Wicks after the show, back at the Opryland Hotel, while Princess Gail and I were having a drink and dessert. We exchanged a few pleasantries, and he was gracious to let me take a picture with Princess Gail.

Another big, no, HUGE, part of this is that Chuck was sitting with Julianne Hough!!! They are both currently touring with Brad Paisley, and I think they have a thing going on!!! She is every bit as beautiful in person as she appears on Dancing with the Stars, where she has won two championships. She is also a shiny new country music singer. And she seems very nice.

Well, now Princess Gail is infatuated with a much younger man, more handsome, more talented, and probably much richer, than I am. But I’m not worried because, uh, because… uh…

www.youtube.com:watch?v=HtOy8R01fTA.webloc

www.youtube.com:watch?v=eACKkxjZ91g.webloc

HRM Mimi is giving away Lifetime Dungeon Amnesty passes to the first 10 bloggers who can answer her question: Did you ever have a funk that lasted more than 7 days. How did you defunkify yourself?
I don’t really know what that means, because I’m a newbie memer. But I think it’s good, and anyway, Twisted Sister Dawn challenged me to this funking meme.

The Funky Meme

1. Have you ever been in a funk? (ie: a mood)

Yes. I hate to admit it because it feels like a weakness, but I can get moody, especially under stress, and that’s like… everyday.

2. Describe your first funk. What were you doing when it first came upon you?

Oh c’mon! I’m 53 years old! I can’t remember what I had for breakfast!

3. Do you remember why you fell into a funk in the first place?

My worst funks are when I am severely criticized and I feel it’s unfair or that I am misunderstood. Too bad that I deserve it once in a while!

4. How long did you stay in your funk?

I can get over small funks in a few minutes or hours. Large FUNKS can last 2 or 3 days!

5. Did you ever do or say anything during your sophisticated pity-party that you regretted?

During a funk, I get mildly irritated at everyone and everything, so the people who are around me get the worst of my mood. I feel bad about that because they are usually not the cause of it.

6. When you feel a funk coming on, is there someone you can call and talk to should you find yourself – Lord forbid – in the throes of a wild funk? What do they say to help you?

Yes! I am much better at this now than I used to be. Princess Gail is an excellent sounding board, and I can discuss my feelings with her straight up. I also have a group of guy friends, and we can talk about our feelings too, just like girls. ; )

7. While in the throes of a proper funk is it best to:
a. Close your eyes and hug trees in the forest til it’s over
b. Drink
c. Throw a hissy fit
d. Curse
e. Have a fling with a passing truck driver
e. All of the above

The trucker DOES NOT call me. I hate to admit it, but I tend to throw little hissy fits during my irritated state, and I curse much more readily. Harmless, though, really.

8. Do you try to put on a happy face while you’re funking? How’s that working
for you?

Yeah, I do, especially at work. It does not work very well. People who know me can usually tell if I’m not doing well.

9. Do you have mood swings?

Actually, most of the time, I am really even tempered.

10. Has severe funking ever caused you to injure yourself?

Only one time. It was in the early days of my separation from my first wife. I was upset and went on a 12 mile rollerblade in very hot humid weather. I had not eaten breakfast or lunch. I got real dehydrated, dizzy, and fell as I was stopping at a drinking fountain. I broke my wrist.

11. Do you take out your fancy funky frustrations on those you love when you’re in a mood or is it best to be alone and make yourself miserable instead?

It’s best for me to first be alone, calm myself down, meditate a little about what has been my part in it. Then it’s good for me to talk it over with someone to get some reality checks.

12. If you saw someone having a funky fit in public would you….
a. call the blog police
b. lock up your children
c. offer to drive them to the nearest 12-step program
d. give them your Prozac
e. other suggestions? (and by the way, if you have any Prozac to spare,the address is 2005 Bloggingham Road, Banister, North Carolina)

e. other. I would just give that person a lot of space. Get out of the funkin’ way! Not my problem. Got enough of my own.

13. Do you use unorthodox methods for dealing with your funk? Do you…..

a. change your purse
b. use humor
c. scream at the mailman just because
d. redecorate the dungeon cells
e. drink Green Tea

I only have one purse, so I don’t change it. I do try to use humor. At my advanced age, I am now even able to make a little fun of myself.

1. Did you ever have a funk that lasted more than 7 days. How did you defunkify yourself?

No, thank god! My funks never last for more than 2-3 days. Defunkification happens with time, reality checks, understanding, and boundaries. All I can do is my part.

I am not a meme addict. I can quit anytime I want. One more isn’t going to kill me. I’ll stop tomorrow. I know other people who do a lot more memes than me. They are the ones with a problem! Oh shut up, what the hell do you know?!

Linky Love

The link love meme is simply a matter of weaving a story around Blog Titles using your blog roll. The story can be as sane or insane as you wish.

I had to use my blog roll from Crazy Medical Cases because I don’t have one on this site yet. Thanks again to Twisted Sister Dawn for this idea.

And the story goes…

Once upon a time, I was happily surfing bloggerbeach, minding my own business, trying to clear my head and contemplating My Virtually Dysfunctional Life. Not surprisingly, after a solid morning of surfing, I was none the wiser. Being happy enough with the last wave (totally tubular!), I swam in, found A Nice Place in the Sun, and planted my board.

I oiled my bronzed body (screw the SPF!), Chapsticked my lips, donned my Oakleys, rearranged my junk in my trunks, and seriously contemplated my next choice. Hmm. Tacos or burgers? I was hungry, and for a moment could think of nothing but food. But then, OMG!, just like that, I switched appetites!!!

A Girl in Short Shorts had walked past, teasing me crazy with her shake, jiggle and bounce. Of course I didn’t notice that she was walking hand in hand with her girlfriend! Always ready for Adventures in Time and Space, I followed the bloggers to a little Japanese restaurant where I hoped to make one of my slick moves. Just inside, we were met by a large, hairy waiter offering a tray of samples. He looked like a Gorilla. Sushi?, he asked. As we reached for a bite, I brushed up against Short Shorts and said, “Hey hot stuff, I bet you like it hot, like the Sushi Diablo, or me.” I guess I’ll never know how she felt about that because her friend, (now I noticed her), told me to f*#k off!

She actually pushed me away. I tried to apologize, meaning no offense. But it was too late. The Offended Blogger went into a long winded rant, which was actually pretty humorous at times. But she didn’t appreciate my smile, and asked me to take it outside. Yeah, right. I wasn’t going to get into a fight with a girl, especially one that looked like she could kick my ass. So I turned around to just leave, and at that same moment, the bitch pulled down my trunks! There I was, The Blogger Exposed! I quickly pulled up The Junk Drawers and said, “You are really Twisted Sister!” I was mad. A crowd started to form around us, cheering us on. But I got way lucky. The bloggerbeach patrol was eating lunch there and quickly broke things up. “Move along. Nothing to see here.”

On the way out, the gorilla waiter offered me another sushi. I took it and his advice. It was not bad for a Caveman. Conclusion: Don’t dick around with a dyke and her date. That was a very good lesson for me. I grew that day.

I am not a meme addict. I can quit anytime I want. One more isn’t going to kill me. I’ll stop tomorrow. I know other people who do a lot more memes than me. They are the ones with a problem! Oh shut up, what do you know?!

Anyway, I chose this meme because I like to read. I always have, ever since the Bazooka Joe bubble gum wrapper jokes and the Mad Magazines as a kid, even school text books, even my dry technical professional shit, but especially things that give me insight into the way other people think. I like it personal. That’s why I like blogging. So, anyway…

I borrowed this from Kayla (Berryvox) who borrowed it from Francis at Caught in the Stream who borrowed it from Jane’s Writing who borrowed it from…some person/blogger I don’t know.

The Rules
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
1. Tag yourself if you want to, and leave your sentences in a comment here.

Here’s mine from my current read:

From “Dear American Airlines” by Jonathan Miles

“Instead of quoting Buk to the doctor, I cheerily said thank you though he obviously hadn’t meant the 150-year-old-man crack as a compliment. Sawbones scowled at me which I found unsavory, since, really, I’d only matched him jest for jest. Apparently it’s fair to make funny only about bodies you don’t inhabit.”

I picked this up from Twisted Sister Dawn. Somehow she has this meme power over me. I’m doing it because it clearly qualifies as “Best Parts” stuff.

1) One religious work from a non-familiar tradition you’ll read?

Actually, this is one thing I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. I’d like to know more about several religious traditions that are foreign to me. But I know me, it will have to be the Cliffs notes versions. Better than nothing!

2) One song that you like–from your ‘least likely to listen to’ genre?

I really can’t stomach this genre, hard as my two youngest kids try to convert me. I have occasionally listened to the old song:
The Real Slim Shady – Eminem (Genre – [c]rap)

3) A book from a genre you almost never read, that you have read, or you will read (promise!)?

I don’t like autobiographies. But I would read one on Steve Jobs. Yeah, that promise is a definite maybe.

4) Somewhere you’d never thought to go on holiday/vacation, and why it might be fun to go there?

I’m so damn literal. I’m thinking, how could I go somewhere if I’ve never thought of it?

Okay, maybe an island in the South Pacific, like Fiji. Or one in Europe like Ibiza. I’m into islands right now. Tomorrow it might be something else.

5) A specific food you’ve never tried, but will because of this meme, honest!?

This is a TOTAL steal. This was Dawn’s answer to the question, but I’m intrigued. It appears to have powdered sugar on it. I can’t believe that I have never heard of something that has powdered sugar on it! So, like Dawn said, “I will definitely have to try a beignet!” Tomorrow if I can find one.
That’s her picture, too.

6) A sport or game you really hate, or haven’t tried yet, but are willing to give a go at?

My kids have tried to recruit me to play Beer Pong, but it really doesn’t call me. I might have half a beer a month, so I’m afraid something bad would happen. But I might be willing, under just the wrong circumstances.

7) A style of dance you probably won’t try (we won’t make you promise on this one)?

I won’t try Irish step dancing. Just thinking of that high stepping, knee twisting stuff makes my cartilage hurt.

8) A career job you don’t feel you’re suited for, and why?

I would not do anything in sales. My MBTI says I’m an introvert, and it sounds right. I would suck at sales.

9) What is it that you will dare to wear which you have never worn before?

A tattoo and an earring.

10) If there’s one thing in life you wanted to do, and will do because of this meme, what will it be?

I’m going to eat a beignet in Fiji while playing beer pong and listening to some [c]rap!