How to Push Her Around
Share on Facebook
]]>
This subject is not that difficult, but I see young men mess it up time after time. The question, “Does this make my butt look big?” has become a [...]]]>
This is the second lesson in the Boyfriend School series. Husbands, of course, are welcome. Women, you already know this information, so you can skip this post.
This subject is not that difficult, but I see young men mess it up time after time. The question, “Does this make my butt look big?” has become a cliché. A popular book is entiltled, “Does this clutter make my butt look big?” A famous humor blog writer, who happens to be my friend Kathy at The Junk Dawer, just wrote a post entitled, “Does This Car Make Me Look Fat?” But at its core, this subject is no laughing matter. When a guy is presented with this question by the object, I mean woman, of his desire, he better get the answer right, or he’ll have to quench his desire with a cold shower!
After years of careful observation, I have learned that the correct way to answer this question politely is based entirely on ethnicity. And I know I must be correct because this is very simple, and simple is usually right.
If your woman is either black or hispanic, and she asks, “Does this make my butt look big?”, the polite response is, “Yeah, baby! Bring it to me!!”
If your lover is anything else, you should grace her with, “Big??? No way!!! You look curvalicious!!!” Of course, you must be perfectly sincere.
How difficult is that? It always pays to use good manners.
You’re welcome.
Thanks to Jen at Sprite’s Keeper for yet another excellent Spin Cycle prompt.
]]>In this lesson, Boyfriend takes Girlfriend out on a date, [...]]]>
I’ve been thinking of starting a school for guys. It would be called “Boyfriend School.” Husbands would be welcome, too. The only problem is that it might be the blind leading the blind! But the premise is interesting, don’t you think so?
In this lesson, Boyfriend takes Girlfriend out on a date, a special date, say on an anniversary or something. She says she has an errand at the mall, so he should first say, “Fun! Let’s go!” Then, while at the mall, she looks in a window and drools just a little out the side of her mouth. He should ignore the drool, and ask, “Would you like to go in?” She might say, “No, you wouldn’t want to do that.” At this, he should quickly respond with, “I would love to go in. I know how much you like it and it’s fun for me just to be with you!” He might even have to match a “Really?” with a “Really!”
She will walk around, thinking mysterious thoughts. He will wait patiently, smiling reassuringly when she occasionally glances his way. She will then say, “Okay, we can go now.” That is his cue to say, “No, take your time. I have nowhere I need to be except right here, right now, with you.” He might even take a deep breath and say, “Actually, I’m enjoying this. These purses are like little works of art!” She’ll smile, and even if she is thinking he’s full of shit, he will have hit the mark.
The rewards come later!
